I’ve jerked off for years by grinding against pillows, mattresses, rolled up towels, the hardwood floor, or pretty much anything else I could find, but the Lunar Grinder1 by Uncover Creations was my first grinding toy that was intentionally manufactured as a grinder. I still prefer pillows or other grinders most of the time, but I do reach for the Lunar Grinder when I want specific kinds of stimulation.
I chose to get the toy in “super soft” 00-40 firmness because I know that I like a lot of pressure while grinding. As mentioned above, I sometimes grind my dick directly against a hardwood floor. It’s worth mentioning that 00-40 is considered between medium and soft firmness at most fantasy toy shops, with 00-20 as supersoft. Despite my initial thoughts, I find 00-40 slightly firmer than I prefer most of the time. I default to my 00-20 Obsidian’s Maw grinder from Bat Bites Toys on days when I’m not craving the Lunar Grinder’s specific features.
The Lunar Grinder features a background inspired by the lunar surface, with craters and small rock-shaped lumps. A tentacle emerges from one crater. The tentacle rises off the toy’s base, forming a slightly pointed insertable tip. I got the toy in its signature coloration, so the tentacle is neon pink and the base is silver.
Although straps are provided with the toy, I’ve never tried to strap the Lunar Grinder to anything. It stays in place against a pillow or rolled-up towel well enough with just friction, and I don’t want to deal with cleaning straps. I need the towel or pillow because my hips are inflexible enough that I can’t grind painlessly against something positioned directly on the surface I’m sitting on. Also, grinding against something positioned directly on a surface tends to make my nerves fall asleep after a while, resulting in unpleasant tingling and the inability to orgasm.
I got this toy with a vibe pocket. Even though vibration doesn’t get me off on its own, it’s a nice addition to the experience and one I would recommend getting unless vibrations actively make sex worse for you. I like how the vibrations are muffled somewhat by the silicone, making them easier for me to handle without getting numb the way I often do from direct vibration. (I understand that many people claim that numbing from vibrators is an issue of not using rumbly enough vibrators or of using vibrators that are too powerful. The vibrators I’ve tried have included some decently rumbly ones and ones with lower intensity settings, though, and I still have the numbing issue. At this point I’ve accepted it as a quirk of my body and not a fault with vibrators’ designs.) Unfortunately, the end of the vibrator pocket is positioned somewhere between the tip of the tentacle and the base of it, meaning vibrators are pretty much never in direct contact with my body when fully inserted. That can be remedied by inserting the vibrator only partway, but that involves some guesswork about where exactly my dick2 will be positioned while I get off. I usually get that guess wrong the first time around. Getting off the grinder, flipping it over, and squeezing the lube-covered bullet vibe out of the base isn’t fun when I’m already trying to get off, so half the time I just let it vibrate my perineum anyway.
The ridges on the base of the tentacle feel quite nice against my dick. My dick “pops” between being on the front and back side of the toy as I move back and forth, which feels great. It’s the same sensation I get from the bumps on my Bat Bites Toys Obsidian’s Maw grinder, but more intense because the bumps are closer together. One other way I like to use the Uncover Creations Lunar Grinder is using the pointed tip of the tentacle to flick against my dick. This isn’t anywhere close to what I need to get off, but it does feel nice as a warmup or break from more intense stimulation while edging myself. This serves the same function as the teeth on my Obsidian’s Maw grinder.
When positioned so the insertable portion of the tentacle is closer to my stomach than my back, the insertable portion pokes uncomfortably at the area above my pubic bone. I’m fat enough to avoid it poking at the bone directly, but having my flesh poked isn’t much better. This may be mitigated in the softer firmness Uncover Creations offers, which they refer to, confusingly, as “squishy soft”. How the consumer is expected to figure out that “squishy soft” is what most companies refer to as “super soft” and “super soft” is what most companies refer to as “soft” without consulting the appropriate reference page is left as an exercise for the reader.
I still prefer to have the tentacle closer to the front of my body, though. When the tentacle is pointed backwards, it often pokes against my vaginal entrance. As a trans guy with significant gender dysphoria over the fact that I have a vagina at all, the tentacle serves as a rude reminder that I’ve still got a hole where there shouldn’t be one.
By far my favorite way to use the Lunar Grinder, though, requires that the tentacle tip be facing towards my back (although not, thankfully, at my vaginal entrance). I chose to get the Lunar Grinder specifically from Uncover Creations’ vast grinder lineup because of how the tentacle rises off the surface of the toy. When I can align things correctly so that the base of a butt plug (specifically my trusty Njoy Pure Plug) presses against the tip of the tentacle and my dick presses against its base, I get the frankly magical experience of something thrusting gently inside my ass while my dick is stimulated the way I prefer it to be. (That’s something way easier to experience with a partner, but I bought the Lunar Grinder for use when I don’t have someone to handle fucking my ass while I grind.) That’s difficult to arrange, though, and I often lose the exact positioning after a few minutes. That seems to be because of the inadequate dimensions of the tentacle itself. The base of the tentacle is too short for me to consistently grind my dick against, while the tip of the tentacle doesn’t rise far enough to reach my asshole every time. And the base of the tentacle is narrow enough that I sometimes slip off it sideways, especially when using the large quantities of lube I prefer. There’s a lot of what looks like wasted space on the base of the grinder, and while I appreciate the outer-space aesthetic of the thing, I would have loved to see the base of that tentacle extended further instead of having that much background. I understand that more silicone costs more, but I would rather pay more for a grinder that works for my specific purposes.
One concern I have when using the base of the grinder against a butt toy is the issue of butt-contaminated lube dripping down to where I’m grinding, potentially getting anal bacterial into my urethra or vagina. I’ve never had bacterial vaginosis or a urinary tract infection before, and I’d rather not start now. I do follow basic safety protocols like peeing after I get off with the Uncover Creations Lunar Grinder, but I can’t quite mitigate that worry.
The Uncover Creations Lunar Grinder is frustrating because it’s so close to the perfect toy for me. If the base and tip were each slightly longer, and if the base was wider, I would love this toy. As it is, I pull it out only on the rare occasions when I want my dick firmly pressed, my ass fucked, and the approximate area of my perineum vibrated, and when I have the time and patience to position things exactly as needed for that to happen.
