Bat Bites Toys Aux stroker review, or: thoughts on jerking off while trans

This review of the Bat Bites Toys Aux stroker, designed by Frost of 3DFrost, is the most difficult review I’ve ever written.  Physically, using the Aux was mostly pleasurable. Emotionally, it was unpleasant in complicated ways, and I wanted this review to dig into that pain a bit more than my usual reviews do.  

I’d like to be clear that, while I refer to a “typical” cis penis throughout this review, I understand that there is no standard set of genitals. Cis dicks can look like pretty much anything due to intersex variations, injuries, and more.  It’s not like non-intersex trans people are the only ones with genitals that don’t match up to the “ideal” for men. I’m using cis-“typical” as shorthand here while acknowledging that it is an imperfect phrase.  

I’m a transgender man who lives with significant gender dysphoria around my genitals. The current state of my body isn’t tenable. It’s why I have my phalloplasty scheduled for 2027. One of the reasons I started reviewing sex toys in the first place was because I wanted to see more reviews from people like me: people using sex toys on bodies that aren’t necessarily our final forms. People using sex toys not just because they’re fun, but because they let us overcome the fundamental wrongness of our bodies. I use anal toys because anal penetration is the one gender-neutral sex act I’m capable of. I use strokers to try to have an experience closer to a “standard” cis male experience of masturbating. I use vibrators because they (theoretically, at least) let me get off without touching myself.  I use grinders because I’ve always gotten off primarily by grinding on things; I’ve always gotten off that way because I can do it while clothed. I could go on. Most of my decisions about masturbation methods are at least somewhat based on avoiding gender dysphoria. Those methods are fun, but that’s not always my main motivation for choosing them.  

Using and reviewing the Aux has forced me to confront those issues head-on. 

I make masturbating while trans sound like a miserable experience here. For me, that’s accurate. Being trans is beautiful. Many trans people I know and respect love their uniquely trans bodies, including the ways that they function sexually. Hell, I find t-dicks hot as fuck on other people! It’s not that I don’t appreciate trans bodies in the abstract. But for me specifically, jerking off while trans is a daily struggle. (More than daily, if I’m being honest, given the libido-increasing effects of testosterone.) 

There’s something called the lachrymose conception of Jewish history. It’s the somewhat discredited idea that the history of the Jews is a history of terrible things happening to us, and that any good times were blips to be glossed over. (That idea is deeply problematic for many reasons, including minimizing the harm that Jews can do, have done, and are doing, but that’s beyond the scope of this sex toy review.) I’m trying not to fall into a lachrymose conception of trans masturbation. (Transturbation?) I don’t want to play into cis stereotypes of trans people as self-hating. But honestly? I do hate my body a lot of the time, and there needs to be room to talk about that as well.  

There’s definitely some internalized transphobia involved in the extremeness of my gender dysphoria. I have a lot of shame about my body in addition to my longing for a bigger dick that can function closer to the “typical” cis one. But I can’t separate out the shame from the broader pain. That shame is so bound up in my gender dysphoria that I’m not sure how to move past it.  

I wish I could love the Aux. It’s a stroker/mini-penetrable/prosthetic shaped like a large t-dick, and I wish I could take pride in my trans body, in my t-dick, in having a useful and self-lubricating hole. But even as I talk about that desire, I want to distance myself from my body’s current arrangement. It’s a useful hole, but it’s not my hole. Hell, I can barely bring myself to think about its existence. In a recent review, I even criticize one grinder for rudely reminding me that I still have a vagina.  

I want to be incredibly clear here: I’m not truscum. I don’t think I’m more trans than anyone else because I hate my genitals a fuck-ton. I just know that I personally need a “typically”-sized penis. I need to be able to penetrate a partner without a strap-on. I need to be able to urinate standing up out of a dick that’s permanently attached to me. Reminders of what I lack are some of the most emotionally difficult things I deal with regularly. When I talked about appreciating the Fantasy Grove Amanita because sometimes looking at dicks, even fantasy dicks, is painful, I wasn’t exaggerating. I mentioned it only briefly in my review, but I can’t look at realistic dildos without that sense of longing. It’s why I only owned humanoid dildos in non-flesh colors until I bought my first realistic one to penetrate others with. It’s part of why I turned to fantasy toys in the first place, because I get a hell of a lot less envious of werewolf cocks than of humanoid ones. 

All of this is to say that the Bat Bites Toys Aux stroker doesn’t work for me. The stroker is shaped like a large t-dick and is designed to suction onto the [t-dick/clitoris/dick/preferred term] of the user. Although it’s intended mostly for transmasc people who have been taking testosterone, the Aux should theoretically work for anyone whose [dick/clitoris/t-dick/preferred term] is the right size for its entrance. And the Aux comes in two versions – tight and relaxed fit – to accommodate a larger range of sizes than most strokers. I have the relaxed version, which works well enough for my dick. It easily fits my dick and foreskin (enlarged clitoral hood, technically, but I hate that term in reference to myself).  

(There is now a Gen 2 version of the Aux. More on that later.) 

I thought that maybe I would be fine using the Aux. It’s a cute toy, especially in the pour I have, which looks like a chocolate cake with sprinkles. One of the sprinkles is even shaped like a little heart! It’s whimsical and fun to look at. But it’s not fun that I’m thinking of when I see the Aux. Unlike the FTM Pitstop ShotPocket, it’s not a benign and completely non-representational blue that allows me to ignore my genitals. Unlike the New York Toy Collective Jack, it’s not trying to look as much as possible like the dick I wish I was born with. Instead, the Aux sits somewhere in between. It’s too close to a flesh dick to let me forget what I’m missing, while not being close enough to a cis-typical dick to let me squint and pretend I have a typical penis.  And I can’t get lost in the fantasy of having a large t-dick like the Aux attached to my body, because a dick like the Aux isn’t the dick I need.  

I wish all the toys I tried worked for me, of course. But I wish the Aux worked because it would signify something more. The Aux working would show a level of comfort with my transness and my trans body. The fact that the Aux causes so many uncomfortable emotions is yet another sign of how my gender dysphoria impacts my everyday life, and I would rather not have that reminder.  

Even if I wasn’t dealing with my particular set of gender issues, I would still have some problems with the Aux. In their review of the Aux, fellow sex toy reviewer (and designer of this model) Frost noted that, unlike another stroker he tried, the Aux’s walls are thick enough that it doesn’t flatten itself out when generating suction. Clearly, Frost and I are doing something differently, because my Aux flattens out readily. Maybe if I had the version of Aux with a short channel, I wouldn’t have this issue. The tighter channel also might work better, because less channel means more room for walls. In any case, an area of the walls on my Aux is way too thin. The wrinkly area midway along the toy collapses inward whenever I try to apply suction. That’s odd, because the walls are thick enough at other parts of the toy. The smooth area closest to the base is completely fine. The tip is solid.  It’s just the wrinkly area between the two that doesn’t work and flattens out when trying to suction. I don’t like looking at a flattened dick. Even if I was able to ignore the fact that the Aux simulates a t-dick and not a cis-“typical” one, I wouldn’t be able to ignore a dick that looks steamrolled.    

It took me a very long time to write this review. In that time, the Aux’s internals have been redesigned to be more conical and avoid the flattening issue. Hopefully that means that flattening won’t be a problem for future Aux buyers. Without the flattening, I would have a much easier time recommending this for anyone who would appreciate an extra-large t-dick.  

All of the sensation I get from the Aux comes from suction. Small ribs do line the insides of this toy, but, much like the ribs on my ShotPocket stroker, these aren’t noticeable in use. I’m not sure whether that’s because my dick doesn’t reach far enough in to touch the ribs or because the ribs are too soft.  

The Aux is the first stroker I’ve had that stays in place well enough to use lube and a jerking motion against the outside of the shaft to masturbate without just pulling the whole thing off. I can’t deny that that feels nice, both physically and emotionally. Getting to use a “proper” jerking motion is a joy. I do wish the Aux stayed attached to me slightly better so that I could jerk more aggressively, though. The smoothness of the Aux helps with allowing a jerking motion. My hand slips along the Aux’s surface much more easily than along my New York Toy Collective Jack, which has a matte and skin-like surface. In his review, Frost mentioned that he can attach the Aux and then leave it in place to bounce around while he rides a dildo, making him feel like he has a standard-sized dick flopping around. That doesn’t work for me. The Aux falls off within a minute or so if I attach it and just let it dangle. I need to be holding onto the end of it to keep its weight from pulling it off. 

(I’ve seen other people discussing their dick sizes in stroker reviews, but I haven’t bothered. I’ve been on testosterone for three years now, but that doesn’t tell you anything about what size my dick is these days. I haven’t noticed it growing in a while, but I also haven’t been trying too hard to keep track. Besides, I don’t know how much my measurements would help anyone else. Is the Aux slipping off me because it’s too big or because it’s too small? Only God knows, and It isn’t answering my calls.) 

I’ve had an easier time using the Aux as a grinder. It fits easily between my labia to allow me to grind my dick against it. My dick is held in by the labia on the toy like a ball in bumper bowling. Unlike my Uncover Creations Lunar Grinder, it’s small and simple enough that cleaning it is easy. Its central channel does make some squelching noises while being pressed down or moved against, so it’s not the most discreet toy. But it is something I occasionally pull out when I want to grind against something and want minimal cleanup. It’s also softer than my Lunar Grinder, and its hollowness makes it feel even softer than it would if it were solid. It’s ideal for days when my dick is more sensitive, I don’t want to wash my somewhat larger Bat Bites Obsidian’s Maw or Velvet Alley Shredder, and firmness would be too much.  

Aesthetically, the Aux wasn’t quite what I would have expected. It has prominent labia minora running along the underside of its shaft. If I hadn’t seen those mentioned in Frost’s review, I wouldn’t have known they were there from the product page on Bat Bites Toys’ website. That’s a shame, because the labia are maybe my least favorite part of the toy. I’ve even thought, briefly, about getting out a sharp knife and slicing them off. They remind me too much of the fact that (for now – I’ll be getting scrotoplasty as part of my phalloplasty) I have my own labia instead of a scrotum. 

Bat Bites Toys also makes another stroker, the Rend Stroker. The Rend is a fantasy dragon dildo with spikes, and the Rend Stroker is a prosthetic/mini-penetrable version of it. I’m interested in trying the Rend Stroker out. I think its design would solve my issue of emphasizing the t-dick too much, while also not falling into the trap the Jack lands in of trying too hard to look realistic, which only makes me more conscious of the ways in which it fails. The Rend not looking fully realistic would hopefully just remind me that I don’t have a dragon dick – a much less painful reminder than the one that I barely have a dick at all. And the internal core of the Rend is different, which hopefully gets rid of the flat dick effect. Hopefully I’ll get a chance to try the Rend out and confirm.  

Maybe one day I’ll look back at this time in my life and think it’s funny that I experienced so much distress over a large t-dick made of silicone. I hope so. For now, though, I keep the Aux in the bottom of my sex toy collection, where it can’t startle me with a reminder of what I look like unless I’m prepared to see it.